.png)
The Trade: How Powerful Women Get What They Actually Want
- Myra Houser
- Jan 8
- 10 min read
Part 2 of 2: The intentional decision that changes everything
Most people live reactively. Something comes up, they say yes. An opportunity appears, they take it. Life happens to them, and they spend their days responding, managing, reacting. Then they wonder why they're exhausted and unfulfilled.
But you're not most people.
If you completed Part 1, you've done something rare: You've identified what matters most to you, right now, in this season of your life. You know your top 3 priorities.
Most people can't name theirs. They're living on autopilot, managing last year's priorities, pursuing goals that made sense once but don't anymore.
Now comes the part that separates wishful thinking from actual transformation:
The Trade.
What Is a Trade? (And Why It's Not What You Think)
When I say "trade," I don't mean sacrifice. I don't mean deprivation. I don't mean giving up on your dreams or settling for less.
A trade is an intentional decision to exchange something of lower value for something of higher value to you, right now.
It's not loss. It's gain.
It's not scarcity. It's clarity.
It's not giving up. It's choosing.
This is what powerful, intentional women do. They don't try to do everything. They don't apologize for their choices. They decide what matters most, and they protect it fiercely.
The trade is how they do it.
The Culture Lies to Us
Our culture tells us we can have it all, do it all, be it all - simultaneously. That's not empowerment. That's exhaustion with a marketing campaign.
The truth? You can have it all. Just not all at once.
The women who seem to "have it all" haven't figured out how to do more. They've figured out what to do less of so they can be fully present for what matters most.
They're making trades. Intentionally. Strategically. Without guilt. And that's their superpower.
The Shift: From Reactive to Proactive
Most people: Opportunity appears → "Should I do this?" → React. Someone asks for time → Usually say yes. Feel overwhelmed → "I just need better organization."
Intentional women: Know their top 3 priorities → Opportunity appears → "Does this serve my top 3?" → Decide accordingly. Feel overwhelmed → "What needs to go so my priorities have room?"
The difference? One is reactive and exhausting. The other is proactive and empowering.
The trade is what makes you proactive. It's your decision-making filter, your boundary-setter, your permission slip to choose.
The Power of Awareness
You're already making trades. You're just not aware of them.
Every yes to something is a no to something else. Every hour spent here isn't spent there.
When you're unaware, your trades look like:
Time with your kids for a meeting you didn't need to attend
Your health for convenience (another night of takeout)
Your peace for people-pleasing
Your dreams for someone else's urgency
When you're aware, your trades look like:
The impressive promotion for the flexible role that lets you coach your daughter's team
The larger house for the smaller mortgage that lets you work 4 days instead of 5
The "yes" that makes you look good for the "no" that protects what matters
Same mechanism. Completely different outcomes. Awareness is everything.
Types of Trades (And Why They're All Valid)
Not all trades look the same. Some are temporary. Some are permanent. Some are strategic. Some are survival.
All of them are valid.
The Seasonal Trade
What it is: A temporary trade for a specific season of life.
Examples:
"I'm turning down the VP promotion this year because my daughter is a senior and I want to be present for her last year at home. I can pursue leadership next year."
"I'm scaling back my business growth goals while I navigate my health challenge. I'll ramp back up in six months."
"I'm saying no to all evening commitments this quarter while my son is in basketball playoffs. This is his season, and I'm choosing to be there."
Why it's powerful: You're not giving up on the goal. You're timing it intentionally. You're choosing when, not if.
The outcome: You're fully present for what matters now, without guilt or resentment. And when the season changes, so do your trades.
The Accountability Trade
What it is: Trading comfort or convenience for personal growth and discipline.
Examples:
"I'm trading sleeping in for 5am workouts because my health is a priority and this is the only time I have."
"I'm trading mindless scrolling for reading because my personal growth matters more than numbing out."
"I'm trading the easy path for the hard conversations because my marriage deserves honesty, not avoidance."
Why it's powerful: You're choosing the person you want to become over the comfort of staying the same.
The outcome: You build confidence, discipline, and respect for yourself. You prove to yourself that your priorities are worth the effort.
The Career/Financial Trade
What it is: Trading money, status, or advancement for time, flexibility, or alignment.
Examples:
"I'm trading my corporate salary for contract work so I can build my business on the side."
"I'm trading the C-suite track for a senior role with boundaries so I can actually see my family."
"I'm trading the big house for a smaller one so we need less income and I can work part-time."
Why it's powerful: You're redefining success on your terms, not culture's terms.
The outcome: You gain time, flexibility, and alignment. You work to live, not live to work. You discover that "enough" money + time for what matters = wealth.
The Identity Trade
What it is: Trading who you thought you should be for who you actually are.
Examples:
"I'm trading the 'involved mom' identity (room mom, PTA president, all the things) for the 'present mom' identity (home for dinner, available for real conversations)."
"I'm trading the 'ambitious executive' identity for the 'strategic consultant' identity because I want impact without the 60-hour weeks."
"I'm trading the 'people-pleaser' identity for the 'boundary-setter' identity because I'm done being everything to everyone."
Why it's powerful: You stop performing and start being. You release others' expectations and own your truth.
The outcome: You feel lighter, more authentic, more like yourself. The people who matter celebrate you. The people who don't? They weren't your people anyway.
The Simplification Trade
What it is: Trading complexity, stuff, or busyness for simplicity and space.
Examples:
"I'm trading the perfectly decorated home for the 'good enough' home so I have weekends back."
"I'm trading three kids' activities each for one activity each so we have family time and they have downtime."
"I'm trading the full calendar for intentional white space so I can breathe and think."
Why it's powerful: You reclaim time, energy, and mental space. You discover that less really is more.
The outcome: You're not rushed. You're not overwhelmed. You have margin. You have space to be present, creative, and human.
How to Make Your Trades
Now it's your turn. You know your top 3 priorities from Part 1. Let's identify the trades that will protect them.
Your Top 3 Priorities (from Part 1):
Priority #1: ________________________________________________
Priority #2: ________________________________________________
Priority #3: ________________________________________________
The Trade Exercise
For each priority, ask:
What am I currently doing that contradicts this priority?
What would I need to trade to honor this priority?
What type of trade is this? (Seasonal? Accountability? Career? Identity? Simplification?)
What will this trade give me that I don't have now?
Example 1: Mom of Teenagers, Mid-Career Professional
Priority #1: Strategic presence with my teenagers (home for dinner 4x/week, available for late-night talks)
Current contradiction: Working until 6:30-7pm most nights, traveling for work quarterly
The trade: I'm trading the director promotion (requires travel and evening client dinners) for staying in my current senior role where I can set boundaries
Type of trade: Seasonal + Career
This gives me: Two more years of being present before they leave for college. No regret. Connection instead of missed moments.
Priority #2: Building my side business to replace corporate income within 2 years
Current contradiction: Spending evenings watching TV or scrolling instead of working on business
The trade: I'm trading Netflix and social media scrolling (15 hours/week) for focused business-building time
Type of trade: Accountability
This gives me: Progress toward my goal. Proof that I'm serious about my future. Exit strategy from corporate within 2 years.
Priority #3: My physical and mental health
Current contradiction: Skipping workouts, eating takeout constantly, not sleeping enough
The trade: I'm trading sleeping in for 5:30am workouts, and eating out 5x/week for meal prepping on Sundays
Type of trade: Accountability + Simplification
This gives me: Energy. Clarity. Strength. The capacity to show up for my other two priorities.
Example 2: Entrepreneur, Empty Nester, Caretaking Aging Parent
Priority #1: Scaling my business (this is my season for growth)
Current contradiction: Saying yes to every networking event, coffee meeting, and opportunity that comes my way
The trade: I'm trading the busy social calendar and "visible everywhere" approach for strategic networking and deep client work
Type of trade: Simplification + Career
This gives me: 10+ hours back per week for revenue-generating activities. Actual growth instead of busy-ness that looks like growth.
Priority #2: Supporting my mother through her health transition
Current contradiction: Feeling guilty about not visiting more, but also not protecting specific time for her
The trade: I'm trading Sunday afternoon (my usual "catch up on work" time) for dedicated time with my mom
Type of trade: Seasonal
This gives me: Presence with her during this season. No regret. Peace instead of guilt.
Priority #3: Rebuilding my marriage as partners, not just co-parents
Current contradiction: Filling every evening with work or other commitments, no intentional couple time
The trade: I'm trading Thursday evenings (curently overflow work time) for weekly date night, non-negotiable
Type of trade: Accountability + Identity (choosing "wife" not just "business owner")
This gives me: Connection. Intimacy. A partnership that thrives, not just survives.
Example 3: Single Professional, Career Growth Season
Priority #1: Promotion to director level (my career season is now)
Current contradiction: Not speaking up in meetings, not advocating for myself, playing small
The trade: I'm trading the comfort of staying quiet for the discomfort of being visible and asking for what I want
Type of trade: Accountability + Identity
This gives me: The promotion I've earned. Respect. Proof that I can go after what I want and get it.
Priority #2: Launching my creative project (podcast)
Current contradiction: "Waiting until I have time" (which never comes) and spending weekends on low-value activities
The trade: I'm trading Saturday mornings (currently sleep and errands) for 3 hours of focused creative work
Type of trade: Accountability
This gives me: Something I've dreamed about for years. Creative fulfillment. A body of work I'm proud of.
Priority #3: Building chosen family/community
Current contradiction: Staying home because I'm tired or it's "easier" than making plans
The trade: I'm trading the comfort of staying home for the slight discomfort of initiating plans and showing up consistently
Type of trade: Accountability + Identity (choosing connection over isolation)
This gives me: Deep friendships. A support system. People who know me and care. Richness of life.
Now You: Name Your Trades
Priority #1: ________________________________________________
What I'm currently doing that contradicts this:
The trade I'm making:
Type of trade:
This gives me:
Priority #2: ________________________________________________
What I'm currently doing that contradicts this:
The trade I'm making:
Type of trade:
This gives me:
Priority #3: ________________________________________________
What I'm currently doing that contradicts this:
The trade I'm making:
Type of trade:
This gives me:
Your ROI: The Payoff Nobody Talks About
When you make intentional trades, here's what you gain:
1. Clarity You stop second-guessing every decision. You have a filter: Does this serve my top 3? Yes or no. Simple.
2. Confidence You prove to yourself that your priorities matter more than others' opinions. That builds unshakeable self-respect.
3. Peace You're not trying to be everything to everyone. You're not drowning in guilt. You're living aligned with what matters.
4. Presence When you're not stretched thin, you can be fully where you are. With your kids. In your work. With your partner. You're there.
5. Progress You're not spinning your wheels on things that don't matter. You're making real movement toward what does.
6. Power You're not reactive. You're proactive. You're designing your life, not just managing it.
7. Fulfillment At the end of the day, the week, the year - you know you spent your time on what mattered most. That's everything.
The Hard Truth About Trades
Let me be honest: Some people won't like your trades.
Your boss might not love that you're saying no to the promotion.
Your parents might not understand why you're working less.
Your friends might be confused when you stop saying yes to every social invitation.
People who benefited from your overextension won't celebrate your boundaries.
But here's what I know:
The people who love you—really love you—will support your trades. They'll see you become more present, more peaceful, more yourself. And they'll celebrate that.
The people who judge your trades? They're not living your life. They're not raising your kids.
They're not pursuing your dreams. They're not lying awake at night with your regrets.
You are.
So make the trades that honor your life, your season, your priorities.
And release the need for everyone to understand.
This Is Rare. Extraordinary.
Most people will never do this work. They'll keep reacting, saying yes out of obligation, living last year's priorities on autopilot. They'll wish for change but never trade anything to get it.
But you're different. You've identified what matters most. You're naming your trades. You're choosing to be proactive.
This is a mindset shift. And it's rare.
In a culture that celebrates busyness, you're choosing intentionality. In a culture that says "do it all," you're choosing what matters most.
That's power. That's wisdom. That's leadership.
Your Priorities Are Worth Your Every Effort
Your priorities are not "nice to have." They're not something you'll get to "when life calms down."
Life doesn't calm down. Seasons change, but there will always be something demanding your attention.
If you don't intentionally trade for what matters most, you'll spend your life managing what matters least.
And one day you'll look back and realize: You were busy, productive, responsible. But you missed what mattered.
Don't let that be your story. Make the trades. Protect your priorities. Live proactively.
This is your one life. Your one chance at this season. Trade for it. It's worth it.
Take Action This Week
This week, do three things:
1. Name your trades. Use the exercise above. Write them down. Get specific.
2. Make one trade. Don't wait for permission or the perfect moment. Choose one trade and implement it this week.
3. Notice the outcome. How does it feel to choose intentionally? To protect what matters? To be proactive instead of reactive?
That feeling? That's you stepping into your power.
That's you becoming the woman who doesn't just have goals—she protects them.
That's you living intentionally in a world that celebrates reaction.
Keep going. Your priorities are worth it. You are worth it.
What trade are you making this week? Share in the comments—your decision might give someone else permission to make theirs.
Comments